yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
