Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
