I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
