btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize