fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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