Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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