Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
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i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
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That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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