Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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