Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
