I seem to have left my pride at pride
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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