the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
