I'm really into asian looking animals
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
