We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
