Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think your dad took our porno
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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