Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
