I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
