He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Im part way to drunk.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
