i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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