Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
