I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
