I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
