Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
