We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
