His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
