Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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