At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
