If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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