No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
