Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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