He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
