I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
