i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
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