your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
