i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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