Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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