he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
