so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
