Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
