well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
