Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
