Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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