When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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