i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
