maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
