my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
