Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
