Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
