the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
