I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
