CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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