Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
