And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
