I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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