singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
