I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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