He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
