you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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