when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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