I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
