My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
