Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
