You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Holy sore nipples Batman
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
