his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
