Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
