I think I won the penis lottery.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
