My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
