lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
