This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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